I am an avid follower of NBC’s The Voice, and this past week provided a key example of how someone can take criticism and negativity, look it straight in the face and own it! For those of you who don’t follow the show, it is a talent competition based on performance and vocal ability. The judges (Christina Aguilera, Cee Lo Green, Adam Levine and Blake Shelton) and America get to eventually decide who is the next “Voice.”

As is usual with talent competitions, the judges provide feedback after each performance. I was actually rather shocked when Christina Aguilera was pretty harsh in her reaction to former Mickey Mouse Club co-star, Tony Lucca. Ultimately, she expressed that he was a one trick pony who may be getting votes simply because of his former MMC ties. A lot of people reacted to this criticism, and I actually wondered whether Tony Lucca would fade away or come out with something inspired, using this comment as his ammo.

Watch this performance and tell me what you think he did:

Whether you watch the show or not, it’s clear that Tony is just one example of someone using negativity and criticism to their advantage. It can be difficult to face obstacles in life and the inevitable negativity you will encounter…imagine how much harder it must be to do so in front of millions of viewers. Though the performance maybe wasn’t the best vocally, his willingness to take a chance and face his nay-sayers head on has resulted in him moving on to another round of eliminations.

The next time you face negativity or someone who underestimates your potential, take a moment and make your “Baby One More Time” moment!

I was struck most recently by this week’s episode of Mad Men, Mystery Date, for a multitude of reasons–one of which dealt with the realities of having a man come home from war (Vietnam) and the adjustment (or in this case, lack thereof) period.

As an Army wife, I find that people also often romanticize what it is like to be married to a service member. Many times, people see television shows and newscasts that feature homecomings from war and heart-wrenching farewells, offering viewers only one side of a very complex life.

This episode showed a less-often addressed side of the military lifestyle–the struggles. Reintegration, readjustment, and even resentment are all dealt with. The show does not hide from the tough topics, and I think that’s what makes it so intriguing. As this particular episode drew to a close, Joan and Greg (pictured here), faced their reality, which was not a happy one. Greg has volunteered for another tour overseas and Joan wants her husband home to care for their new baby together and start their family.

The struggles of war and balancing family and duty are not new, and I was reminded of that while watching this episode. I am grateful for the support systems that are now in place for us. Unlike Joan, we have a multitude of support systems, organizations and services to help us cope with being at home while our service member is gone; and unlike Greg, we have more awareness and guidance for those returning from war.

The obstacles may still be present in an age of recurring deployments, but I am so grateful for the progress we have made!

I also remember how disappointed I was at the end of the book. When I saw the final page drawing closer and closer, I would find myself reading every so slowly, lingering on every word. I just didn’t want the story to end and to have to say good-bye to this wonderful journey I was on and the characters I had come to know so well.

Nowadays, I spend much more time reading biographies and textbooks than fiction, and many times I am more than happy to give myself a break from the in-depth information; but as a child, I had such a connection to the fictional stories I read that it became like the characters were part of my life, and I was with them through the ups, downs and everything in between.

As a military wife, the metaphorical closing of one book and opening of another happens quite frequently (every 3-5 years to be exact). We have to say good-bye to the friends we have become so close with and open another book at our next duty station. In recent months, I have had to say good-bye to several friends, which is a new experience for me. Until recently, I had always been the one moving first. The chaos of the relocation didn’t leave time for being sad. We were simply off to another adventure!

It’s a strange feeling to be the one “left behind” while others’ worlds are changing, but it is wonderful how connected we can remain through technology. I am grateful for the ever-increasing ways we can stay in touch with each other, and our deployed service member. I am finding there are a number of great resources out there to help us stay connected, and it’s encouraging! I am even going to jump on the bandwagon and start hosting some teleclasses and webinars.

The main take-away I have is that every challenge and hard situation can produce something great. Our need for social connection has given life to tons of social media opportunities for us to connect. If you are going through something difficult right now, there is probably a solution or way to overcome it that will make you stronger and benefit others in the process. Perhaps reaching out to others will help you in the process.

I have to admit, upon first reading Mr. Suster’s thoughts, I was concerned about how widespread his sentiments are among CEOs and hiring bodies. If everyone felt as Mr. Suster did, what hope is there for military spouses who may have to leave a job every 3-5 years when they PCS? Well…..give a resilient military spouse some time and we can overcome anything, right? The very need for an article such as Never Hire a Job Hopper is a sign of the times–times which can actually be a benefit to professionally-minded military spouses.

As generations have changed, so have job seekers. Even in the difficult economy we now face, statistics from the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) show that “younger” workers (those 18-34) are less likely to stay in a job for very long when compared to their older counterparts. Many believe that the changes in employee tenure are a result of a new generation of workers known as the Millennials. Whatever the reason, military spouses need to be aware of these trends, which impact how they market themselves in a job competition.

After taking a look at the 2010 Employee Tenure Summary, it’s easy to see that younger employees bring down the average tenure statistic. In fact, workers between the ages of 18 and 34 actually average  under 2 years of tenure at their current position (when the survey was completed).

So why does this matter?

Well, military spouses, we can use this statistic to prove why we are actually good (dare I say sometimes better?) candidates for jobs. At a time when the average job tenure of today’s workforce is between 2-5 years, military spouses are actually no more likely to leave a job than anyone else! This information is often contrary to the perception that many employers have regarding military spouses, making it crucial for any milspouse job seeker to know.

In recent days, I have been reminded that sometimes people are simply unaware of what military spouse life is like, and it is up to us to politely inform them. Often, people don’t take a risk on a military spouse because they simply don’t know any better. We must be advocates for ourselves, and this is just one more way to do so!

I am writing you because I need a job and you just happen to be hiring. 
My resume shows the vast experiences I have had, which is the result of 
being married to a military man. I move all the time, and it’s not my 
fault that I have job hopped so much. 


Since moving to Fort Sumter, I have spent countless hours trying to find a 
job willing to hire someone who moves so frequently. From the website, it 
looks like your company is okay with hiring pretty much anyone, so I thought 
I might be a qualified candidate. 


I am good at multi-tasking because my husband is not around much, and I have 
no other choice. I know I can bring my work ethic to your team if you would 
just give me a chance. Please call me to talk about your opportunities.


Sincerely,
Jane

Jane’s cover letter is fictitious, created to illustrate a point. You may have read it and chuckled a little because of the unpolished and shockingly candid plea for employment, but your job application may be expressing the exact same sentiment in slightly more subtle, understated ways!

Believe it or not if you are desperate for a job, it can come across in your resume and cover letter. It becomes harder to develop a polished, inspiring resume when you are not excited about the position and just want a paycheck, rather than a certain position.

In a competitive job market such as ours, being a military spouse job seeker has become increasingly difficult–but it does not mean that you cannot be discriminatory in your job searching either. Keep in mind that if you blindly apply to hundreds of jobs with no passion for any, you will probably get little success because your disinterest is likely apparent.

Some tips:
1. Have someone else read your resume or cover letter. What do they think? Could you tweak a word here or there to demonstrate a higher level of confidence in yourself and your abilities?

2. Try new strategies in job searching. If you continue the same actions and get the same results, something has got to give or you will continue on a path to nowhere.

3. Get to know people in fields that you want to work in. What would they like to see in potential job applicants?

There is no denying the increased attention on military family support, especially in the wake of a DoD announcement relating to the removal of license barriers for military spouses in certain occupations. In fact, a December 2011 Huffington Post article, recognized Michelle Obama for her military family initiatives. Despite the positive publicity, increasing word of the Pentagon’s plan to cut more than 100,000 troops over the coming years got me wondering whether the First Family truly understands the military community and how to support us.

Programs like Joining Forces, which is a White House-led initiative to “give service members and their families the opportunities and support they have earned” are great, but they seem completely void of substance and rather insulting, in the face of thousands of military members losing their careers. While I appreciate the push for military family awareness, it is silly to talk about in the midst of a time when so many military families may no longer be military families after troop cuts take place!

We military spouses are pretty good at facing adversity head on. We grow to understand that the only thing constant is change; but the one thing we could count on was our service member having a job to rely on even if our own careers may have suffered from the lifestyle.

So, like many other military spouses who are contemplating how the cutbacks will impact them, I think about what we will do if the cuts affect us. With the security of my service member’s career gone and a resume dotted with a slew of experiences from across the world, I am curious how the troop cuts really fit with the whole “support our military families” initiative.

We can spend tons of time talking about career options and support programs for military families, but should the worst case happen to a military spouse (meaning their troop is relieved of their duty),  all of these military spouse initiatives mean nothing anyway because the day we lose our ID card is the day we are ineligible for the government programs.

All of the initiatives will make the symptoms better, but they will not provide the cure–unless of course the cure is no longer being a military spouse due to your service member getting kicked out.

The government today has made a huge push to emphasize the military spouse career portability issue, but has failed to understand the very point this blog has demonstrated. No two military spouses are the same. What works for an Active Duty spouse may not work for a National Guard wife. Additionally, just because teaching and nursing are popular careers for the spouse population, there are those of us who are not called to do either.

Though the blog does allow for a very important dialogue to occur, I am disappointed that the experiences of National Guard service members and spouses were demeaned. The point that must be taken away is that whether you are the spouse of an officer, an enlisted service member, active duty or otherwise, your experiences are very important and need to be understood. This debate needs to be viewed as an opportunity to educate the civilian population and employers that we are all different and all valuable assets.